My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
