Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
