i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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