I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
