How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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