Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know her cup size but not her name....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
