I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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