I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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