I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize