shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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