i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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