I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
