did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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