Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
