theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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