That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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