new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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