I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
