I CAN MOONWALK!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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