I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
