Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
