The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
