I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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