At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
