you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
