I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
