just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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