I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
