nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
