Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
