On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
