I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
