Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
