I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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