My first STD was from a foam party
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
