he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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