I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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