so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
