Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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