he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
