We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
