he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
