Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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