i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
