You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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