Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
