; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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