You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
