im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
