Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
