I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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