I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
