Will you blow on my dice?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
