hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
