Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
