We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
