Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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