wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize