That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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