the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My cat gives me a boner
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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