But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
